User:Nuclear Lunchbox

Nuclear Lunchbox (AKA Nuke-kun)
Name	Nuclear Lunchbox (AKA Nuke-kun)
Real Name	[REDACTED]
Date of birth	July 11th, XXXX
Homeland	United States
Role	Tremendous Evangelion Geek
Lot in life	Much better than I think it is
Favorite Episode	Episode 22
Favorite Character	A certain fiery redhead
Favorite Relationship	Shinji and Asuka
Favorite Angel	That's like asking a mother her favorite child.
Favorite Evangelion	I love them all. Don't make me choose.

Getting to know Nuke

Gentlemen (and ladies, I know you're on the internet), it delights me to be able to introduce myself to you as Evageek Nuclear Lunchbox. For streamlining reasons, if I refer to myself in the third person it shall be as "Nuke". Generally, I don't give out personal information on the internets, but I can make an exception here. If you check my user infobox, you can see my age (cleverly disguised) and a plethora of other information about me. Enjoy, while I go make a few rants.

Nuke, Part Two

I'm just going to streamline this process by bulleting the most important things you need to know about me.

The Negative

• There is a filter between my brain and my mouth. Sometimes, it goes missing.
• I can tend to overreact to things.
• I procrastinate. Like, a lot.
• I have been known to sometimes be an arrogant bastard, depending on my mood at the time.
• My mood drastically influences how I interact with everything else.
• I cannot make rational decisions when I am hungry. That is my stomach talking, and not my head.
• I have a memory like a steel trap. A very selective steel trap.
• I'm a bit of a Grammar Nazi.
• I can be a bit selfish.
• I might judge a book by its cover.
• Sometimes I can be a very dark and twisty person.

The Positive

• I'm a fun person to be around.
• I cook. A lot. Usually for a lot of people at the same time.
• I like waffles. Everybody likes waffles.
• I give awesome advice.
• I can write cool stuff.
• When I choose something to be dedicated to, nobody works harder on it than I.
• I play a lot of DDR. I'm really good at it.
• People like me. This is always a plus.
• Even when I'm an asshole, I know that I'm an asshole and always apologize for it later.
• I don't discriminate against anybody.
• If I judge a book by its cover, I give it a chance anyway.

The Fandom

Evangelion was my first true fandom. The series somehow sunk its fangs into me and just never let go. I've spent a while addicted to it, and it's not an addiction that I want to kick. The story of how I got into Evangelion is a very long one, and I never properly explained it in the forum for that very reason. Now that I have a wiki page, I get to do it!

Part One

So, when I was a wee lad of about seven, my father downloaded an application that would select daily webcomics for him and display them in their own little window. Naturally, young me was interested in these. Every day, I would hoist myself into one of the giant chairs and read comics for around half an hour. After a few months of this, I got into the guts of the program. I discovered that there were comics that weren't being displayed. Of course, younger me had to have these. I opened all of the comics up to the application, and that was that. I went on to read all of them. Then, I came across a webcomic called CTRL+ALT+DEL. Check it out, it's awesome. I read it for a few weeks, until my mother caught me, deemed that it was "inappropriate", and uninstalled the app. I got bored and found other things to do, and the webcomic lay forgotten in some of the barren corners of my mind.

Part Two

Yeah, I would have been pissed if I had been spoiled by this.

Fast forward to when I was twelve years old. I was patrolling the internet on my parent's laptop, when I came across the webcomic for the first time in five years. I happily started reading it again. Of course, I began to become irritated by all of the ads on the site. I was able to ignore them, but then one particularly annoying advert came along. This was advertising for something called Evangelion 1.0. I ignored the ad, but over the next month it grew more and more irritating. Finally, I said, "Oh, screw this," and clicked it. I was redirected to the first 8 minutes of Evangelion 1.0., sadly in English. That aside, talk about an instant hook. This was my first anime experience, I didn't care. It should be noted here that when I was searching for the first episode on youtube, I came across a video titled Asuka's Final Battle . I wisely ignored it and moved on.

Part Three

After the 8 minutes that I watched, I had to have more. Mistakenly believing that what I had viewed was part of NGE, I went to youtube and found the rest of Episode 1 with subtitles. I watched it, crappy cliffhanger and all. From there, I went to Episode 2, then 3, until I had watched up through Episode 19. By this time, Jewish Holidays had come and gone, and I was the proud owner of a Platinum Edition copy of NGE. I finished the series on the DVDs, Director's Cuts and all.

Part Four, or Nuke's Original Reaction

"Make a better ending, Anno. Make it NOW."

I finished the series when I was twelve. My reaction was a resounding "What the fuck kind of ending was that?" Angered, I proceeded to watch the series again and was stunned out of my anger by realizing how deep certain parts of the series were. My irritation was gradually replaced by a sense of "ZOMFG THIS IS AWESOME". Then, I reached the end of the series again. I thought that I understood it a bit better, but I still thought that Anno had magnificently screwed up. It wasn't until June of that year that I found Death and Rebirth, as well as End of Evangelion.

Part Five

When I discovered that there were parts of Eva that I hadn't watched, I dashed out to Blockbuster and picked them up on DVD. I shoved Death into my DVD player, got some popcorn and watched it. Really, I thought it was a glorified recap of the series. This edition didn't have any of EoE on it, for some reason. I mean, it was good; it just wasn't anything that new or interesting. I turned to EoE and put it into my player. Episode 25' began to play.

Part Six, or the second part of Part Five

Episode 25' blew me away. It was the end that I had secretly always wanted; it fulfilled every desire I had for the end of NGE. Granted, some of it was a tad much for my 12-year old brain; watching Shinji wanking over Asuka's comatose body was a lovely sight, as well as watching Maggot-ridden Asuka and the two parts of Misato's body go flying in opposite directions. Of course, I just stared at the screen in awe and watched on. Then Episode 25' ended. Since I was a respectful person, I sat through the credits while I made myself some more popcorn. Episode 26' started.

Part Seven, or the third part of Part Five

Yeah, that was my initial reaction too.

I really had no words for Episode 26'. It was a mindfuck, pure and simple. The animation was amazing and the plot... just WOW, but it crossed the line from "mildly disturbing" to "fuck this shit, we're going to blow up some heads". I still loved it, of course. Watching every event transpire as it did, watching GNR devour Shinji with the Vagina Eye, watching everybody explode into Tang... it was one of the coolest movies I had ever seen. Then, of course, we had the obligatory fucked-up ending. Shinji and Asuka. Beach. Strangulation. You know the drill by this point. I loved it all the same, but spent forever trying to understand it. That was when I visited Evageeks for the first time. It was just the wiki, which I used to search for the answers to all of my elusive questions. Two more years went by, with me introducing all of my friends to Eva. Finally, I decided that I would create an account on the Forum, just for the lulz. I did, became enamored with it, and I've been with y'all ever since. HERE ENDS THE STORY OF THE FANDOM.

My intellectual creations

I tend to have an overactive mind, which means that the world can wind up getting large amounts of my insanity at an indeterminable time. Most of these things are scales or various terminologies.

The Hayfap Limit

The Hayfap Limit (based on the existing Hayflick Limit) is the point at which one is no longer able to fap to a certain Anime/Manga. This limit can be reached when one or more of five things happen:

1. The character in question becomes too cute
2. One respects the characters in the material too much to fap to it
3. The breasts are the size of Siamese Watermelons
4. Wrong body proportions (hips, etc.)
5. Artwork is not appealing
6. The story overpowers the artwork

Nothing is worse than discovering that you are unable to spank the monkey to certain material (or place the little man in the canoe, for you ladies out there.) There is a feeling of profound shame and embarrassment, followed by an urge to shut your computer and go away for a little while. That is in the case of cuteness. If the material does not appeal to you (see three and four), it's not as bad. You just move on to better porn. For me, there are several hot Evangelion douijins that have exceeded this limit. I just can't get past the cute factor or the respect factor. It's infuriating, but you get over it and move on to tentacle porn or whatnot. Or perhaps Yandere, except for the fact that there are some Mirai Nikki ones that manage to trip the fifth corollary. Then I just read them and enjoy, but do not fap. Then I go watch some people stick their dicks in monster girls or something.

Laws of PhysBoobics

The average human is often confused about one of the most fundamental facts of nature. What they fail to realize is that there are two things in this world that are very similar: Breasts and Boobs. Everybody knows what a breast is. Most people do not know exactly what a boob is. However, boobs are so different than breasts that entirely new systems are often needed to describe them. Instead of describing a boob as a C cup or a D cup, there are new terminologies to be considered: namely, Melon size and Head size. The list then becomes as follows:

• A cup
• B cup
• C cup
• Melon size
• Head size (Note the omission of the D cup. It does not seem to exist. Moving on.)

Boobs do not seem to follow the standard laws of physics, regardless of their size. As it is, it becomes necessary to christen The Laws of PhysBoobics. There is only one law: A boob in motion tends to stay in motion, and a boob at rest tends to revert to its natural state of motion. Unlike breasts, whose natural state is at rest, the natural state of a boob is to be in motion. This is also known as the "Jiggle Bounce" effect, which shall henceforth be identified as the JB. This effect is observed in series such as Kill la Kill and WataMote, and sometimes even manifests upon individual characters such as Mari Illustrious.

(What did I say about procrastination? I'll take care of the rest of this profile later.)